Why is life so frusterating?

You strive to make everyone else happy. Do what everyone else want's you to do, sometime's you do things just make someone else happy even though deep down inside it is killing you. I haven't put up a christmas tree or really "Celebrated" Christmas for the past 7 years since my godson passed away. I know christmas is to celebrate the birth of christ. For him I am VERY thankful for all that he sacrificed for me and my family/friends's, and I do celebrate his birth. Just in my own way. I Also, know it's been 7 years since Leo earned his angel wings and that he's flying free of pain and suffering and I should move on and live a happy life, but it's SO hard to do when a HUGE part of your life is missing and you will never be able to fill that void. Why is it so hard for everyone else to understand? I don't feel like putting up a christmas tree this year, although my husband is making me do it and while I appreciate his efforts, I wish he would let me do it at my own pace. I've been on a Natural "high" for a few day's only for it to come crashing down when I really need to be happy and keep my mind off thing's. I sometimes think I would be better off to just crawl under a rock during the holiday season and let everyone around me celebrate so I don't "rain on their parade". Instead I try to make the best of it. However, it's never good enough. I don't know how much more I can "pretend" that it's ok to put everyone first and my feeling's aside. I do the best I can to make everyone happy and to accomodate everyone else, sometime's my feeling's, desires and happiness get's pushed aside. People wonder why I "Break". Why I get frusterated and depressed. I used to be happy go lucky, a fun person to be around. Lately, I feel useless, helpless, unappreciated, disrespected, unloved and like a door mat. So much for my "Natural High".